so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
