fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
