Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
