it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
two words...techno handjob
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
