So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
