Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dicks are not precious.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
