absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
