toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
