yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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