She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
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