Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
