They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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