I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
