I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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