OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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