forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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