Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
