I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
