i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
