Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
