Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
