he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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