help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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