Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
