dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
