cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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