Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
