so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
