she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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