hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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