im six kinds of drunk right now
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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