where am i from again
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
