Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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