Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
