You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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