as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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