you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
