She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
