all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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