The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
