Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
