Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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