Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
