1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Naked. naked and bneed help.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
