can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
