please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
