Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
