I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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