I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
