I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
