I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
