i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
