you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
