Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
